In A World Where You Can Be Anything, Be Kind

Recently I saw a story on the news about a choral music director and the challenge of continuing to work with his students during this epidemic. He told about the difficulties teaching when the students must sing with masks and maintain social distances. However, the music I heard from these students under the guidance of this wonderful, dedicated teacher was nothing short of heavenly. The students, during their part of the  interview, “ sang” the praises of this wonderful educator. They obviously adore him. The students were black, white, Hispanic and Asian. The teacher was black. A sweet dedicated man with a smile that would light even the darkest room. I wish I’d had one teacher I could have felt that way about. Who taught under difficult circumstances. Who could come up with creative solutions to burdensome problems. Who remained dedicated, especially in extraordinary times.

     I grew up in a wonderful small town, population averaging 45,000. For perspective, when I moved to Colorado, the sports stadium would have held everyone from my hometown but still wouldn’t have reached the full capacity of 75,000 fans. My hometown wasn’t a perfect place but it was perfectly white. There was very little diversity. There was certainly no diversity in the teachers who stood in front of me, every school day, and taught me readin’, writin’ and ‘rithmetic. They taught the accepted (and rarely updated) curriculum. I read accepted literature and learned a very slanted view of history, especially regarding Native Americans. I did have a few teachers who took a chance and colored outside the lines, stepped outside that box. They taught what surely wasn’t in the traditional syllabus. But these teachers were the exception, not the rule. I feel an overwhelming sadness about that. What more could I have learned about people, culture, history—all history and life? What different perspectives might I have been exposed to? I certainly would have been better prepared for life.

     Since the advent of Black Lives Matter and Me Too, Hollywood has not only jumped on the band wagon but built a much bigger, shinier wagon. But shame on them! How many incredible performances, stories and chances to grow experientially have we lost because that self-same Hollywood didn’t green light projects with diverse casts or directors, producers or stories because the mainly white money people didn’t believe those projects would be profitable. Because a movie with diversity May have “limited” appeal at the box office. Obviously too many! We watched Coming 2 America with Eddie Murphy last night. He brought back a lot of the original movie cast members with a smattering of new faces. Was it the best movie I’ve seen this year? Probably not but it was fun, funny and made me feel good because everyone seemed to be having so much fun! In a year of not having much to look forward to, it was delightful to laugh out loud. All black cast (even the old Jewish man in the barbershop who in reality was Eddie). I’ve learned more about history from watching movies like Harriet, Hidden Figures, Madame C.J. Walker. Black Panther and television shows with diverse casts and documentaries about American history taught me more than I ever learned in school. (Thank you Ken Burns, National Geographic, History channel and PBS!) Hollywood has always presented themselves as broad-minded, liberal and fair but I believe attitudes about African Americans, Italian Americans, Hispanic Americans, Asian Americans, Jewish Americans, Muslim Americans, Native Americans and women have been formed by what we see in movies and on television. Continuing to portray all Muslims as terrorists, Hispanics as members of Cartels and African Americans as gang-bangers, Italians as Mafia, Native Americans as wild savages or women as subservient or inferior or just stupid justifies attitudes of those who already think those things are true. When you blur the line between fact and fiction it’s easier to believe the myths as you sit in a dark movie theater or a recliner in your own living room as you watch your favorite actor play it out on screen. It may even seem to validate your screwy thoughts. I cannot begin to imagine how gay actors feel when straight actors portray a LGBTQ character. Imagine a gay actor, looking for a break, gets an audition for a lead part but is not cast because another straight actor is perceived to be a bigger box-office draw. White actors have long played other ethnicities: Warner Oland/Charlie Chan comes to mind. Hispanics play Arabs and Mexicans and Native Americans. Scandinavians have played Germans. English actors routinely play Americans and Scotts and Irish. Of course actors like to stretch their acting “chops” but when there are talented actors, under-employed, who are the ethnicity or sexual orientation of the character, shouldn’t they get the role? Why can’t we have more honest representations? Let’s stop stereotyping – everyone. It is disparaging and dangerous. Too often it leads to racist speech that influences violent reaction like the recent killings/attacks on people of Asian decent. Don’t get me started on having women in tight skirts and high heels trying to run from imminent danger, tripping and falling. Or worse, having it be acceptable to be slapped around by a husband and/or boyfriend because your gender is considered inferior and weak? Watch 50s/60s television shows… What was up with that? 

     There are so many lessons from this past year. Some new lessons we all had to learn together. Toilet paper, while necessary, won’t mitigate a virus  or heal the sick or keep you safe. That women are not only necessary but an integral part of society. They are careful thinkers, fantastic problem solvers who, more often than not, are over-looked and under-appreciated. That no one matters more or less than anyone. We are all essential to the tapestry of this wonderful country. We all live the same kind of life. We love our children and get frustrated when we are treated as if we are as dumb as a box of hair. Or treated as if we don’t have value. When it is assumed we can’t figure out the difference between a fact and a lie. We truly are more alike than different. All of us come together to help whenever and wherever we are needed. If you want to be respected then you must first respect. If you want to be treated kindly then you must first be kind. If you had told me when I was that little white girl in her mostly white grade school that one day I would be married to an Egyptian, have bi-racial stepchildren, grandchildren, a niece and great-nieces, I wouldn’t have been able to imagine it. I had no frame of reference. The greatest thing I ever did for myself was move to Colorado where I have had exposure to so many different people. Thankfully I can say I have learned so much but not nearly enough. I’m committed to learning more each and every day.

     Some lessons we need to learn as individuals. How to ask questions and not accept things at face value. Don’t let lies sway you, seek out truth! Just because something is on social media or is “trending” doesn’t necessarily make it fact OR fiction. It is up to each of us to figure out what’s what, to not just accept the status quo. If you are going to vote for someone, know as much about them as you can. Do your research! And if someone you vote for isn’t doing what you believe they should be doing, write to them, email or better yet, go to a town hall meeting when they hold one. Make your voice heard. Justice only works if we hold people accountable. There must be consequences. The more people realize that fact, the less likely they may be to do so many things wrong. What I can’t wrap my head around is why people do bad things when they know they may be captured on a cell phone. Not to mention behaving stupidly without considering the consequences that will extend to their families, friends, colleagues and neighbors, anyone they know. Such inconsideration! Let’s all try to be kinder to each other. 

     Regardless of what some would have you believe, there is much more that unites us than separates us. More that we have in common. We all love, cry, laugh, dream. We’ve all been through a terrible pandemic. Every loss diminishes us all. Change is never easy but change needs to happen. We have reached a point in history, our history/world history and we can’t back away. The only motion has to be forward, progress instead of retrogression. It is imperative to change for our world to survive. We must take it seriously, for all our sakes.