Kindness 💐

     The past is just that, past. Dragging it into the present, or worse, projecting it onto the future puts a halt to forward momentum. Not to mention negating whatever you did to overcome those things in the past that caused the problem(s) or hurt. I’m not advocating for or against forgiveness, of yourself or others. (Although, I believe forgiving yourself is necessary if you are to truly love yourself.) Forgiveness is a personal decision based in your own belief system. I have, thankfully, never been tested. I’ve never had to face someone who killed someone I love or stolen from me. I’m not sure if I’m good enough to grant forgiveness to someone who wronged me or that I would have the strength necessary to do so.

     The past cannot be changed. It’s over. The only way to change things that happened in the past is to time travel, which isn’t possible right now. Trust me, if it ever is possible and I’m still alive, I’ll be in line for the first time travel trip. Doesn’t it sound fascinating?! But it is the only way to change past events or their outcome.

      In my life, I’ve had my share of Lemony-Snicket unfortunate events. None of those events were easy nor pleasant. I had to put on my “big girl panties”, pick myself up by my boot-straps and move forward. I’ve never had time to dwell on anything for very long. For me, it was a good thing because otherwise I’d be much further behind in my development. Plus carrying around extra baggage is super unappealing.

     I will never know what it’s like to be you. Conversely, you will never know what it’s like to be me. For instance, I will never know what it’s like to be a man or another ethnicity or race, gay or a genius. I don’t know what it feels like to be blind or deaf or an amputee. Someday I might know. None of us know what the future has in store for us. The list of experiences I have never had is endless; places I’ve never been, people I will never get to meet or know are endless lost possibilities.

     So, here’s my question: why do our differences engender so much fear in us that they sometimes transform into bigotry and hatred? It all seems crazy because I’ve known us to come together, no matter what our differences, in times of turmoil and chaos. After the 9/11 attacks, the Sandy Hook massacre, after Katrina or the fires in California, floods, tornadoes and blizzards everyone pitches in to help. We donate clothing, supplies and money. We have a kind word, thought or prayer; we work tirelessly to rebuild the lives of those affected by the disasters. We open our homes and places of business to offer whatever assistance is needed. We don’t ask if the victims are black, Hispanic, gay or straight, rich or poor, democrat or republican. We just see a need and try to fill it.

     I don’t look like you, you don’t look like me (and probably wouldn’t want to). I’m not concerned that we don’t look alike or haven’t many shared experiences. I’m not so worried about our differences that it would  prevent us from ever getting along. I don’t believe we will be unable to reach some level of commonality and understanding. I’ll probably never understand what life experiences motivate your thoughts and actions. I suspect you might never understand mine. I can only hope that before you pass judgement or form an opinion about me (and I about you), that we stop and consider how much more alike we are than different. The things that seem to divide us, someday, won’t mean anything at all. Carrying past baggage around for years and years only serves to hold us back and keep us from moving forward. It could keep us from living our lives to the fullest, from enjoying great experiences and from knowing terrific people. I can’t walk a mile in your shoes but I can try to perceive what it’s like for you to make that journey. Those perceptions might, just might, lead to a broader understanding of what each of us may be going through. If we were all to do this, it could help us all be nicer to each other.  And in a world where you can be anything, it is always important to be kind.