I ❤️ You Everyday

     Everybody’s love story is different. Some people know the minute they meet. Sometimes it takes a really long time to write. As human beings, we carry around a lot of emotional baggage. We accumulate all kinds of scars as we navigate life; they can’t be avoided. The stories are different because men and women are different. The influences in our lives are different, our life experiences are different. How we define romance is different. It’s a wonder we get together at all considering all those differences but thank  goodness we do.

     It took three tries before I found my perfect fit. I learned a lot along the way.  A relationship should be the icing on your cupcake, not the cake. The icing enhances the taste of the cupcake but the dessert would be out of balance with only one or the other. When I finally stopped looking for a relationship to make my life meaningful and realized I was happy, up popped my husband. My life was humming along. I had an okay job, owned a little condo, had friends and activities I enjoyed. I liked my own company. Being alone was seldom lonely. I had a puppy, Gracie, who was a wonderful companion. If that was how my life had continued, I would have been fine with it.

     But, as I said, my husband popped into my life and everything changed. In the beginning, he was a friend, better than any friend I’d ever had. The fact we were friends first, and still are, is what makes our relationship so special. We are very close. Neither of us wants to lose the friendship of the other so we cherish and nurture it. I know my husband is always on my side; I trust him completely. He supports whatever crazy plans I have and vice versa. We laugh together and cry together; we sometimes agree to disagree. We know life’s struggles but we never worry we won’t make it through whatever life throws at us because we have each other. We finish each other’s sentences and have a kind of mental short-hand that enhances our communication skills. There’s a lot to be said for having an abiding relationship to count on.

     When we first got married, we made Valentine’s cards for each other. We did it primarily because the cards in the stores are so cookie-cutter, one sentiment does not fit all. The constant pushing by florists, card companies and jewelers only served to aggravate. Both of us are creative and making something seemed more personal and fun. Eventually we stopped because it got to be more of a competition than an expression of love. At the beginning of this piece are our last efforts before we forgot why we were doing it… to express our love, not who did it better!  My husband’s is lassoing the moon for me and mine is a Valentine box filled with all the Valentines I would have given him every year since grade school.

     So here’s what I’ve learned to have a successful, living relationship. It’s important to love yourself, completely and unconditionally before you can give your heart to someone else. You have to honestly enjoy your own company. You should never expect another person to make you happy, be responsible for your own happiness. Be aware your relationship will take work every day. Don’t lose yourself, your identity, in the other person. The romantic myth that people somehow become “one” person seems more confining than healthy. Respect each other, your differences and concordances. Most importantly, laugh. At yourself and with each other.  Love should be proclaimed or demonstrated every day, not just February 14th. If each person could love themselves first before seeking someone else to share their life, then finding the perfect fit would be inevitable.