Fear Not

Disclaimer: I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist, nor do I play one on TV or anywhere else, for that matter. These writings are my opinions, please take them at face value.

     Anywhere you look there is anger. Lots and lots of anger. I, like so many others, keep asking why is this happening. Why is it happening with such frequency. I won’t begin to take on gun control or the lack thereof. Nor will I take on the woeful gap between caring for persons with mental illness and not speaking about it or hiding from it.

     I watched CBS Sunday Morning and one of the stories centered around Chuck Lorre, a television writer/producer. He has several successful shows on during prime viewing hours. He made a comment that caused me to take note. I can’t remember the context for this response but he said (paraphrasing here), “many times my angry responses or reactions come out of fear. My own fears about things.” It struck me smack in the middle of my forehead. I thought maybe that’s where all this anger is coming from, fear.

     Fear of things changing, fear of people changing, fear of a technology that changes almost daily. I think it may come from believing things were better “in the old days” and finding it hard to accept how different things seem to be. I don’t believe it’s so much about being better as it was less complicated and easier to understand. Gender roles were pretty traditional-men supported the family, women kept the home humming and were responsible for child rearing. Simpler. (Please note I said simpler, not better.) Rightfully so, today women are challenging men for prestigious positions. Many women are starting and building their own businesses. Is it any wonder men have fear surrounding their future in business and other fields of endeavor?

     How about the belief one’s worth is measured by the accumulation of money and what accumulated wealth buys; larger houses, more expensive cars, extravagant vacations. Status symbols. Those outward signs that tell those around you of your absolute success. Isn’t it sad success is equated with wealth and not whether one is a kind person, generous with those who need help. Thoughtful in their communications and good caretakers of the world instead of the fear you won’t be thought of as successful because you don’t live in the appropriate neighborhood or drive the right automobile.

      We have fears about sending our children to school and fear they won’t get into a good college. Fear we won’t be able to afford college. Fear of teachers and principals. Fear we will get passed over for a promotion. Fear we will never get a job, fear we won’t get the right job or that our paycheck won’t last until the next payday. We fear people in authority; your bosses or supervisors. Fear of persons in authoritative positions like the police. The fear we’ll be late to work or miss something important. Fear of people in your neighborhood or that you encounter in your everyday life.

    Phobias are a type of anxiety disorder that cause an individual to experience extreme, irrational fear about a situation, living creature, place, or object. Many people have phobias, mine is claustrophobia or fear of closed places. I’m not thrilled with heights either. But understand, the fears I’m talking about are the ordinary, everyday kind. Fears that if we were to talk about them with a friend, would take away their power over us and help us to feel less alone. 

     We all have what may, on the surface, seem to be unfounded fears. No fear is crazy nor should anyone ridicule someone for those fears. While fear lives in your head, it is difficult to think rationally about it, let alone overcome it. The more fears you have the more depressed you become. The more depressed, the easier to figuratively (or actually) disengage and become angry with everything and everyone. Anger grows. Civility, all but forgotten; blame becomes unrestrained. It’s terrible when someone who wouldn’t ordinarily act on their irrational fears, allows those fears to take over in a violent way with action against innocents.

     I’m experiencing fear like I never have before. The world feels like a very foreign place to me. I thought it was just getting older but it isn’t. Violence seems to be everywhere. What I used to count on for security doesn’t feel very safe anymore. I’ve found myself getting irrationally angry over meaningless or trivial issues. I’m lucky, I have a wonderful husband to talk to who always helps me put things in perspective. I’m fearful but know I’m not alone. None of us should have to live with fears, rational or irrational ones. We need to choose what and who we believe in carefully, thoughtfully. It serves no one to be ill-informed. We spend hours researching makes and models when we purchase a new car. We shop for months when we buy a new house, researching the best interest rate, the neighborhood and school system. Why not apply the same effort to understanding what we fear. The more informed we are, the more information we accumulate, we may come to the realization that some of our  fears are not worth the time and energy we put into them.