Christmas is coming and looking around the city’s parks, empty school playgrounds, empty golf courses, highway mediums, etc., the geese are certainly getting fat so go drop a penny in some old man’s hat. The geese here don’t even bother to travel any further south because pickin’s here are pretty good so why strain your wings? They are also unaware of the pandemic and that life has changed. This, for some of us, will be a Christmas like we’ve never experienced before. We won’t be with our families and friends because we or they are part of the “ vulnerable” population and don’t want to be part of what is causing the new infection numbers to swell. Personally, I couldn’t live with myself if I unwittingly infected someone who then died or if I then died or my husband. So, we will spend the day with our puppy, each other and holiday movies.
Our wedding anniversary is December 31, our 27th I think. We’ll be celebrating less the passing of the years together than the end of 2020. I feel safe saying it hasn’t been a great year for a lot of us. I’m sure there have been bright, shiny moments. We’ve had some terrific ones: the birth of twin grandsons, unexpected acts of kindness and generosity, more frequent connection with family if only through phone calls, pictures and zooms. One of the best gifts my husband and I have been given are multiple pictures of the twins who we met when they were only a month old but are now starting to walk. We’ve been able to watch them grow and develop albeit remotely.
One thing that stands out to me is my feeling that we must learn something from all that has and is happening. I believe we have to learn from difficult times or we will “be doomed to repeat them” or else go through life oblivious to the world and those around us. And though I am on the definite downhill side of the mountain, I believe I can still learn new things. I recently heard you can teach old dogs new tricks so I have hope.
If nothing else, this last year (the last four really) has forced me to look at myself more clearly. I have had some pretty unattractive reflections coming back from my inner mirror. I can be judgmental, making flash decisions about others without stopping to think they have their own story, their own issues. At first I was kind of appalled by the tearing down of the statuary around the country but when I stopped to hear/read the reasons behind the removals, I realized there were good reasons to bring them down. What those statues represented was aggrandizement of those who took part in oppressing others. We should all educate ourselves about the history of our country. All the the history, not just what is represented in the best possible light. Putting up statuary as “payment” in some quid quo pro scenario doesn’t seem like the honor it’s supposed to be. History should be factual and honest, warts and all. I bet I’m smart enough to make my own decisions about what to feel about some historic event. I can discern who was on the right side or wrong side all by myself.
I’ve learned to be grateful for everything. By many standards, we either don’t have a lot or we have too much. We certainly have more than many others do. We haven’t had to resort to food banks (yet) but “there by the grace of God…” My heart aches for those who must utilize food banks for the first time to be able to feed their families because they have lost their jobs due to the pandemic. We have a home to wait out this whole thing in. Too many are facing foreclosure or eviction. They will be spending the holiday in a shelter or hotel if they’re lucky; on the street if they aren’t. They aren’t homeless because they’re lazy or don’t want to work. They had no choice. It has changed my perception of homelessness forever.
Our electric range of 14? years bit the dust last week. We won’t be able to get a new one until at least February or April next year (can you say pandemic?). Long story. We can still use the burners and we have an Instapot. Our outdoor grill crashed at the end of the summer so we replaced it with an indoor one. We can survive; it will be an adventure. We’ll learn how to cook differently. We don’t go to the grocery store except for pick up but, thankfully, we can still do that. There are too many who can’t. Too many children who depended on meals at school who aren’t getting those now. These kids are trying to understand what the pandemic has taken from them–school, friends, family. Now they are also trying to understand not having a home as well. I’m going to make a concerted effort to give to food banks all year round in gratitude for all we have. Having a dinner table to sit and enjoy a meal together in a nice warm home with a crazy, funny puppy we are truly fortunate. And each and every day I will try to be more mindful of the needs of others.
Not being able to see faces changes perceptions of who people are. We ventured out a couple of times to restaurants this summer when the infection numbers were low. It was weird and very sad. One place had taken out a lot of tables to assure adequate distancing. It was our favorite Mexican restaurant and we went there at least a couple of times a month before COVID. I actually cried because it was so weird and a little scary. The waitpersons in both places were wearing masks so you couldn’t see the expressions on their faces. It made for a sad time. We haven’t done it again and won’t until we get the all clear. I’ve learned smiling, saying something kind, being kind goes a long way toward showing people we are all the same, in the same boat. No matter what, we have to get through this together and be kind to each other in the process, always. Regardless of what people have been trying to do for the last four years, we really are a lot more alike than different. Our problems are the same. Being kind is the best possible attitude to have, for everyone. Working against each other will never be a solution to anything.
We are going to have a quiet Christmas. I usually have three trees-small ones but this year we’re doing just one. I love Christmas trees; decorating them, turning all the lights out but the ones on the tree then getting lost in the beauty. This year (actually the last four years) has worn me out and I’m finding it hard to get enthused for a big To Do. But I’m grateful to be able to do whatever we do. I’m grateful for my family. I’ll think about those family members and friends who are sick and hope for their full recovery. I’ll pray that 2021 is a much better year but continue to be patient, wear my mask and keep my distance from those I would rather be hugging until we get that shot.
Mostly, I’m grateful to be going through this with my best friend. The one that makes me laugh all the time, who tolerates my moods, my sorrows, cooks when my back aches, takes up the slack when I’m tired of trying to figure out what to order from the grocery store, watches Hallmark movies and likes to binge-watch as much as I do. And mostly, loves me when I’m not very lovable. I honestly don’t know what I would do without his kind heart and friendship. This is the one thing I didn’t have to learn, when you pick a life partner, be sure you pick the right one. You never know when the next chaotic crisis might happen.
So, what’s important to you? What has this last year taught you? What will you carry forward? Be sure to make it something positive and mindful of others.
Soosey’s Ruminations 