🧻 or not 🧻 That is the question? I won…didn’t I? 🏆

     Remember when you were in school doing math or any discipline that required numbers? Dividing, multiplying, adding or figuring the square of something or whatever that was? I was not great with math and yet I ended up doing accounting for a lot of my working days. I hated it, every minute, week, month and year but I digress. I never understood when I would need math in my daily life. However, I finally understand why math because I, like so many, too many, others are trying to figure out how many squares of toilet paper it takes to get to the center of a roll of TP. How do I slow the shrinkage of that soft, fluffy roll?  What’s the magic ratio?

     We don’t have facial tissue (Kleenex) either so I am asking my toilet paper to do double duty—no pun—and I blow my nose on my toilet paper then carefully fold it and ask it to stretch itself to perform that Other duty too. Please don’t judge me. I looked into buying paper napkins (none) or cloth handkerchiefs (too expensive) and during allergy season we’d have to have hundreds. I could order fabric to be  delivered and Make hankies but I’d have to do laundry like three times more per week, ick! My laundry room is in the basement and it’s cold down there. Brrrr! 🥶

     I find myself wondering how others are coping with no TP. I wonder if plumbers are planning the extravagant vacations they’ll be able to take when this is all over. Calculating all the money they’ll be making repairing sewer systems because of the overload of toilet paper and baby wipes. (While baby wipe packaging Says it’s flushable, it’s not! Just ask a plumber.) I wonder if the cars I see parked on the street in my neighborhood, instead if being in garages, are because of the floor to rafter stacking of hundreds of 12 roll packs. I wonder when they go get a new 24 roll/2 ply pack? Do they wait until 3:00 a.m. so their neighbors don’t see they have what the grocery stores don’t? So those neighbors don’t break into their garages and redistribute the wealth?

     And when this is all over (and one day it will be), I wonder what will become of all their TP treasures? I suppose most of it will end up in a landfill because the packages either got wet or invaded by critters. Or the packages broke open and got dirty or were used by mice to make nests for birthing their expanding families. I guess they’d make good packing material to stuff around something you are shipping. But my suggestion to those who have more toilet paper and facial tissue than they could use in a lifetime, take at least one roll and one box of each and get them bronzed. Then put them on a base and put them on a shelf. You deserve to display the trophies you won during this pandemic.